Harassment

We all witness what bullying does to our kids with the recent suicides of young kids. Their actions start from the PARENTS example. If you have kids, they are probably bullying others because of your own example. Why do I say this?

Today, I witnessed first hand how people who are adults are harassing people. I belong to a group on a social network for a conference. On that conference, they cover many classes on being better at that task, how to market yourself with that task, and even have a show of exhibitors. One person in this community captured some video when spending time with another, then for grins, posted it into the group. I can’t tell if it was edited or what not, but immediately a good third of the people in this group hopped on the bandwagon and started to harass the individual whose video was posted and lots of critique who she was and what she was doing. I do have to admit that I don’t see eye to eye with the individual who was being made fun of and harassed, but I know she spends a lot of time and money and effort doing things that the common person doesn’t. She collects things for the needy, spends Thanksgiving and Christmas preparing food and serving those who are needy because she does not have a family, and a multitude of other things. She her self lives life day to day, always on the edge of being homeless and unable to care for her own needs, yet she is always there for others. Of all the people who jumped on that bandwagon, criticizing and harassing her, they more than likely don’t know her other than the video that was posted.

Would you have jumped on and harassed that person? Maybe even criticized her for what ever was said, real or not? What kind of example does this give your children if you do?

From this, I know that I will NEVER go to this conference or any of its educational smaller shows. I left that social group. And, in yet another similar case of something very similar today, chimed into the administrators for not doing their job (who I personally know and who are local to me). As I open my eyes to uncalled for harassment and criticism, I am seeing it everywhere. Yes, this is a part of life, but it isn’t like before the Internet. This has world wide coverage and it goes out to a lot more people.

Think about what you post, and what kind of example it gives your kids. You may be one of the people who are causing undue harassment to go on and cause young children to commit suicide.

Internet Cable TV Experiences

Something I was waiting to do before I posted this was to go through all of the installation with Comcast, but I am afraid I won’t get to that point with everything that has happened. Most people would not be a customer of theirs at this point. But, I will be putting down these experiences anyway. My experiences which may or may not be typical, indicate you don’t want to use either AT&T or Comcast for TV/Internet/Voice services.

Let us start with AT&T. After talking with them and setting up an installation that took over six months to arrange, the reason it took so long was ignored and they did this the quickest and dirtiest way they could. I feel sorry for those people who just have it installed. What was this reason? I already had a home with wired phone, cable, and Internet network. I needed the service box at the place where all these services in the past arrived in the home, and did not want them to just drill a hole in the wall and set up one place bypassing everything already installed and in one place. This took six months to get something from AT&T to guaranty to me that this wouldn’t happen. At the time I ordered the services when I started, there was a $400 gift card when subscribing. When the second to the last call to AT&T was made, that was down to $300. Less than a week later, when the subscription was placed, it was now at $100. This never came to me after the 3 months of service as indicated. I will address this issue more in a little bit. Once installed, the tech arrived and sure enough, the quick hole in the wall and one place set up. No phone service in the house, and it was expected that all Internet service would be “wireless” through their router. Great. What about everything else in my house? I had one “wireless” phone, and one “wireless” TV installed. I called and asked what happened? They sent another person and yet again, this wasn’t correct either (he told my wife that everything was working and nothing needed to be done). Fortunately, my wife called me and told me before the person left, and I called them who relayed this information to his boss and then told the tech to do it the right way. So, he finally did, but with a terrible attitude. Go figure. He also cannibalized one of the phone lines by stringing cat 6 line, and then for whatever reason couldn’t figure why the keystones he had wouldn’t work. So, to this day, his “replaced” keystones still hang outside the phone jack box but I will remove his cat 6 line to a network box when I put in the cable TV this time.

Well, everything was put in and then they didn’t have any guides or manuals – think how confusing this setup can be to someone who is blind. My wife is blind, and she was shown how to do things and go places, but for a blind person, AT&T is not the right service. She has never used the AT&T service even with the additional time. I will give AT&T cudo’s for taking the time to do this.

What about the actual service? If you have more than two TVs and one person using the wireless, the throughput on their router just can’t handle this. You will get “spitting” TV and internet on the wireless. I put in a high end gigabit router with WAPs (a business class installation of equipment) only to find it still happened. I will also say that frequently, the data speed from AT&T is around 500-800 Kb/s (clearly not the 18Mb/s that is sold and not guaranteed). I suspect this is because their Internet is shared and oversold because the worst times are around 3-5 PM, and then again 7-9PM (prime times).

Unfortunately for their service, it was too little and too late.  I have had their service for 2 years, and can say whole heartedly, this is worthless. If you want a lot of channels, it is great. But, if you are an internet user, most of us are, or phone user, this isn’t the service for you. You can do better elsewhere.

I need to address the lack of the gift card, and how that was handled. From my point of view, this was “bait and switch” and then not delivered. When the State of Indiana got involved, they basically said “They are going to credit your account for $100, and we will consider this case closed”.  So, for companies like AT&T, in the State of Indiana, they accept the bait and switch. Heck, if you are a company, the State really loves you if you have more than a million in income and defends you from pretty much anything the do. That is just how it is, and by living here, I have to accept this. That means it was a $100 credit, and that was it. In other states, this may or may not be the case so if this happens to you, check with a qualified lawyer in your state as I am not one and what I put here isn’t legal advice.

So, after two years, my bill went up a huge amount that I didn’t want to pay including the “unlimited” data service was capped at 1 TB of data (and if I didn’t have TV, then it would be capped at 100 MB of data), and figured I would try Comcast’s Xfiniti service. This has been a lot of failures from Comcast’s end. Most people probably wouldn’t do business with the number of problems that I have encountered. I try to be patient and wanted to see this through. I will probably update this post once I do have working Comcast service.

Comcast’s experience starts with calling on the phone from one of the “mailers” they send and stating you can earn a $200 gift card with a qualifying triple play package and then lists it must have voice, data, and cable services. So, after going through this with the person on the phone, who did a great job, I was told a price for a set number of services, and then told that I didn’t qualify for the gift card (even though the mailed flyer said I did). Ok, arguing with the person is pointless, so I accepted the price and set up a time for them to install my services. This was fairly quick, about 4 days. This is good, confirmed the price, and thought we would be on Comcast by the end of the week. This didn’t happen.

I received an email welcoming me to Comcast’s Xfiniti services and listed everything I had ordered. As I looked through the list, there were three additional $10 services that I was told were included in the package. As a matter of fact, even the Internet site indicates they were… but for some reason the amount was changed and additional charges charged. When I called back about this, I was blanket told that the these are the charges and there was nothing that can be done. Either I want the service at the “new” price they set, or I didn’t want the service. I told them I didn’t want the service. I was transferred to a “retention” operator who then spent a half hour telling me to “give him a chance” to make good on this, and nothing more. Talk about a waste of time. I told him to cancel my service or tell me what he wants to say because I was going to hang up otherwise and consider my services cancelled. He came up with a new price for all the same services and it was $20 higher than the one in the email. I informed him of this and said that there would be a complaint to the appropriate people about this changing of prices.

I should also mention that Comcast advertises that they are here for you 24/7, and they have you covered. Well, when this email came through and the next day after 8 AM, they didn’t. Going through their painful maze of a phone system is horrible. Then, if you get through to anyone (and so far, always the wrong person), nothing transfers through to them. So, if you need to get someone on the phone, don’t expect to find anyone there. I was also told by one of their representatives that I needed to install on my phone their “App” so that I can do everything possible with my account. I am sorry, no. I am not going to put someone’s app on my phone just because they want me to install it. Isn’t it my phone? What if I didn’t have a phone? Every company wants THEIR app on your phone. Even AT&T.  I don’t know about you, but does anyone have a phone with unlimited space and something that secures it 100%? I know I don’t have unlimited space, and phones are notoriously insecure. This is why I don’t put apps like this on my phone. Yes, you will hear how secure “their” app is, but it comes down to your phone and that a cell phone isn’t secure.  Heck, what assurances do you have that installing their app won’t compromise your phone or won’t install software to spy on who you are? You don’t. Worse, what business is it of theirs to know where you go, what files are on your phone, and who you associate?  It isn’t.

So, walking through Walmart to get something quickly needed, I run into some guy who works for Comcast as a contractor through a different company. Well, I asked him what is going on and he said that is just Comcast. So, he looked at what I ordered, and told me that the email confirming the order is $30 too high. Go figure. So he gives me a contract in writing what is included and it even includes the $200 gift card, and I sign on the dotted line with the guarantee that this will be the right price and if it changes, to call him so he can take this up with his boss. The confirmation was for the right price, and we are back in business. I also agreed to a “self install kit” instead of installation, so I saved myself $60 for that service and I would know this was installed correctly. No repeat of my previous problems.

The equipment gets here and I go through it all, and guess what is missing? The one component that I need – the gateway and wireless adapter. Great. Just what I needed, they can’t appear to ship the needed equipment. I call and manage to get through to someone who then forwards me to another queue for the right person. I talk with them and since I am such a valued customer they will ship it to me priority and without any shipping fees… but I will see it in 4 days. Remember, this is THEIR fault it didn’t get here, but the person made it seem like it was my fault but I am such a VIP that they will bend over backwards to make me satisfied. I felt like I needed a shower because it was so overdone.  I made a mistake and never confirmed if this was 4 business days or 4 calendar days. So, I waited 4 business days and asked where it was. The person said that I received and even signed for it… Nope, it turns out that was the initial shipment. So, no order and no equipment. Well, I must not be that valued customer. The new person apologized just like the last one and then said that I had a “payment center” 11 miles away and could give me the part in 15 minutes. So I said I would pick that part up there. He did the paperwork, and said it was ready to be picked and even offered to email me step by step driving instructions there. I knew where it was, approximately, and declined the instructions.

So how much time have I spent until now? About 9.5 hours. I haven’t even started the installation. The next morning, I receive a call stating that AT&T has refused to process the phone number change and it will take them a couple of weeks to get AT&T to release the phone number. This is really bizarre as AT&T processed this change two weeks ago, sent me revised billing. Great, I am stuck with yet another delay… so no phone service even if I get the system up and running for another 2 weeks.

I finally get to the “payment center” and am faced with 8 people lined up out the door trying to return or get equipment fixed. Or, there is a cheap tablet of some kind that you sign in on. Ok, I try signing in on the tablet. It doesn’t work. The touch screen dowsn’t work and the little that it does work, it doesn’t do what it is instructed to do. I indicate this to the gal at the other line and I am told to get at the end of the line in order to get help. That is the only solution. No one else seems to care. So, on to the end of the line. That took about 20-30 minutes. So, I am now signed in. Great! This should be 15 minutes. So, I wait, and wait, and wait. After an hour after being signed in, I get up and walk around because their list has me as their next person. Low and behold, the next person is called and it isn’t me. I talk to the person who didn’t call me and ask to talk to a manager – I am then told I needed to sign in for the manager prior to them closing (this is already 20 minutes after they closed their front doors.) So, I go to the person at the front who signed me in, and I was told that they closed, and I can’t be changed or added to see a manager. I asked how long it would be before I would get to talk to someone, and I was told it would be another hour as there are now at least 7 people in front of me.  She graciously told me that there is no way for the list to change, after indicating my concerns. I then asked if 2.5 hours is a reasonable amount of time for them to service customers, but she declined to answer other than saying they are understaffed and have been since the beginning of the year. So, now, I am this VIP customer who they think nothing of his time and that their under staffing their location means I should give them a break? Nope. I ask for a manager’s number or email who is not at this location. I am handed the Assistant Manager (who is on duty with no phone numbers other than the 800 number to the phone tree from hell.) Apparently, someone who works there is a manager who doesn’t work at that address, but I could point to her right over there. I said thank you, and left. We are up to 16 hours including travel time there and back. Still no service, no part, and I’m upset yet again.

As soon as I get home, I call the 800 number and talk to a representative, who is overwhelmed with what is going on and puts me on hold to “talk with her supervisor” and wants her supervisor to take care of this call because it is a disaster. Another hour burned on this call and getting no where. She tells me that her supervisor will call me back within 15 minutes. OK, yet another call I won’t get. After 8 minutes, my phone rings and the manager is on the phone. He restates the problem from what the previous person who I talked with at the 800 number (it was wrong, and I corrected him), and then complains that I should have talked to him BEFORE this. Great! My fault yet again as the customer. I must not be that VIP customer that I was led to believe. He does something I haven’t seen from ANYONE at Comcast yet – he takes the problem on as his own, schedules someone to drop off the equipment to me in the morning (it is after hours, I am not going to tell him to have someone drop one off after hours), and even offers to have the person dropping off the equipment to check the cable into the house and make sure it is OK for this service as it has been a few years since I had there service (2003). He then indicates he will call me around 12:30 to make sure that all this has been done, the device dropped off, and that I am on the road to having service. This is customer service, and what should have been done from the start. Amazingly, this call only lasted about 25 minutes… 1.5 hours more. So, at this point, I am at 17.5 hours of my time. Still no service, but it looks hopeful. As you can see, if you can’t take their constant blaming you, the customer, and changing prices, and really poor customer service, they might be for you. As I don’t have a working service after 17.5 hours of my time, I have to say it is unacceptable.

 

I will update this post later once Comcast is up and running. I also hope if either AT&T or Comcast representatives read this, they will garner ways they can improve their respective services for the problems I have encountered. And, unlike them, I am giving them this advice for free even if they aren’t a VIP in my mind.

Update 26 March 2017: Still no Internet, phone, or cable from Comcast. I ended up spending an hour (I was told 10-15 minutes) on Friday waiting yet again for someone at the service center. They finally provided the equipment I needed. At this point, I am waiting on activation.

 

 

What is Beauty Today?

A good friend sent me this link to watch a video on YouTube about beauty:

http://unlooker.com/selfie/

This video really creates something that is interesting in my mind and something I struggle with all the time: what is beauty when you are dealing with a person? What defines what is beautiful and what isn’t? Being the person who I am, I struggle to find the patterns in who I find physically attractive, those who I don’t, those that others find attractive, and those that they don’t. I can see what could be beauty to someone else in almost everyone, but at the same time, only a very few get the double take and who I consistently find attractive throughout my life. Is it like this for you? Or, does it even matter? Are we programmed through genetics to find only certain people attractive? Are there certain traits that are always attractive? Is it a moving target on a continuum? I can’t answer this for others, only they can answer this for themselves.

With this in mind, has social media changed how we look at beauty? I have to say that we are changing and finding a broader attractive and beauty in the world. This stems from there have been more images produced in the last year than have been produced in the remaining years of history. We see a larger variety of people, clothing, presentation of what people look like. Many models who I know shoot these selfies constantly. Some aren’t supermodel lookers, but they are beautiful in their own right and anyone around them would probably find them very attractive.

But what is causing the shift? Is it that we get a glimpse of who that person is and actually have to communicate in a somewhat anonymous format? I will say that social media has changed how we look at beauty in the world today. In the process, we are finding more people who are beautiful than ever before.

If someone doesn’t know it is discrimination, is it?

I have to ask a question: If someone doesn’t realize they are discriminating against someone, are they discriminating? The courts have said that there is no excuse for protected “classes” of people and the EEOC enforces this. They protect race, colour, class, sex, genetic information, and reprisal. They are supposed to protect those who are disabled, but this is difficult for them to do – what is disabled? It isn’t clear cut what is and isn’t. This is a ‘not so protected’ class. There are other reasons, too.

People in not so protected classes get discriminated against all the time, every day. Why? They are different for what every reason a person can find in their mind. Often, they are harassed, too. You can have a text book case where someone is being discriminated against, including manipulation of records, harassment (documented), and intentional malice. It doesn’t matter.

What can be done? Absolutely nothing. In some cases, people do react. Layla’s Law is being petitioned to create awareness of what discrimination is and some of the forms it takes. This isn’t to be confused with the guide dog awareness and protection law created. This is a case where a young child was discriminated against for clumsiness and wouldn’t recognize that someone was disabled. In this situation, there was ignorance and a lack of understanding. I also applaud that both parties are doing something to improve what happened and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

In real, everyday life, this doesn’t happen. People live with the problems and go through life constantly fighting to just stay on a level playing field. Get in a group that thinks they are above everyone else, and anyone who is different is not tolerated. I don’t think laws will help. We have laws in place. Even the enforcers don’t want to enforce them. This begs the following question:

Is it discrimination if people don’t know they are discrimination?

How do you view people?

This post is motivated by not understanding what has gotten into some people and how they treat the people who they supposedly love. Sorry for being so blunt, but I can’t express the lack of understanding that occurs with some people when their relationship moves on.

Working with models, I hear a lot about their personal life, and how it impacts them from day to day. Several of the models who I work with have commented how their relationships have failed and are not reconcilable. In all the situations I am commenting about here today, they all have at least one child together. These are people who were in love with one another. I personally can’t understand how people can “fall” out of love. There are six people in my life that I have fallen in love, and to this day, I care very deeply about them all still to this day. Sometimes, it causes problems – but the good news is that with the exception of one, they all live across one ocean or the other. When you love someone, it is a permanent situation for me. Love never changes. I will go to my grave loving all of them.

Why am I writing this? I can’t grasp how anyone can be mean, vindictive, and in some of the cases, hit someone with malice that they love or have loved. It is something I can’t quite fathom or even comprehend. Worse, being abusive like this in front of your children. I know that feeling sometimes run fairly deep when love is concerned, but this kind of reaction is horrible and makes no sense. Why would you do anything close to this to someone you love? The answer that a few people have told me is that they no longer love one another. This leads to the second reason for writing this post.

When you work with people around you, do you see them for what they can do for you? For instance, in a work environment, do you make business contacts with just people who can help you get further in your work or that are good at resolving issues you may face? In a relationship situation, do you look at your relationships for the gifts you may be given, the sex you might get, or the promise that one of these are almost for certain? Think about it for a little bit. As I get older, I seem to be more sensitive to seeing people do just this. I hate to admit that I am guilty of this, too, in that when I am frequently after a specific artful image, and know someone will be able to create the image I want, I pull out the stops to get them in that image. But, beyond this, I don’t. Yet, I see it every day from other photographers, business relationships, and even some people’s personal relationships. I don’t understand how people can view life in these terms for everything they do – but they do. The more popular and charismatic a person is, the more they do exactly this with everyone in their life. Watch people, and you will see exactly what I mean.

Getting back to the first part about abusing their loves of their life, I have to wonder if there was something that they were getting from that significant other and then once removed or lost, they lose all control and get this way. If so, what they had wasn’t love but rather a mutual arrangement of getting something from someone else. Let me repeat – this isn’t love.

Take a long hard look at your own relationships with other people. Are you someone who is taking advantage of them or are you someone who is being taken advantage of? Knowing this will help you understand some of the dynamics of relationship you are in and how to deal with some of the ups and downs you face.

Love

Several people have commented on one of my previous posts that no one can make you happy, and they have cited themselves as an example of a couple who does. Their significant other does make them happy. They can’t live without the other. I disagree with their conclusion.

What I see, as with my own relationship, is that my significant other only sees the best in me. They show me the reflection of myself that is under everything that I use to protect myself and drive others away. That is love. Seeing you for the best of who you are and showing you what that is. Being there for you, no matter how bad or awful you are to them. There will be those days. They are one of the few who will show you who you really are and who you trust to reveal that whole you. They accept you for who you are, what you stand, and what you believe.

In trade, you do the same for them. That is love.

On time and other things

A cold hard fact is that time waits for no one. It continually ticks away. Why do I remind you of this? Rarely are the most important things in our life the most urgent. Some would say that things like their taxes and bills are the most important things in their life. I beg to say they aren’t. Even that task you need to get done isn’t that important.

How do you know what is important? Most, you won’t know until several years after it occured. In some, you will know immediately. For me, the most important things are the time I spend with others. Sometimes it is with my work as a photographers, sometimes it is simply being there with my daughter and her son, and sometimes it is just that casual stranger that I talk with that was on the street. It could be spending time with a friend to help them out or just celebrating some time with them. Another moment is being there and answering messages from people who I value in my life. Why are these moments important to me? Simply put, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. While it is very unlikely, that proverbial red bus could hit any one of us.

Savour the important things in your life. Spend that little bit of extra time. Send that message or time with whomever it is in your life. Write the message – be it an e-mail or handwritten letter. These moments will rarely knock your door down and tell you it is important.

I’m a…

Something I hear over and over from people is how they view themselves. They usually say, “I’m a …” and add the rest with something derogatory or a colourful metaphor. Why do people do this? There is nothing that irks me more than hearing something like this.

We are our own worst enemy’s when it comes to how we view ourselves. Often, many of us believe that only someone else can make us happy, or that only something missing from our lives will can be filled by something that isn’t there. This can be just about anything. In reality, we are responsible for our own happiness. No one else is going to make us feel better. It comes down to just one person – who we are.

How do we find that happiness? Great question. I found mine by going through the impossible and knowing I made it when several others couldn’t. I had a built in support network, and many brothers who were there to help me when I couldn’t carry my own burden. Unfortunately, not everyone I knew who went through the same thing found this. I wish that they had. Others find it by finding one thing they are really good and earning accolades and recognition. Some find it with the self esteem and confidence from doing certain activities – especially ones that the person thought impossible. And others find it by finding that one person who is right for them, that they can share everything with and who shares everything back. It could even be a child who loves you for you. Some find it in forgiveness – either receiving forgiveness or giving forgiveness. Each person is unique, so I can’t say which will work for you.

A close friend once told me that the thing to do to make your world brighter was to praise others. Find three people and give them some accolades for something they did right. Give that compliment. Let others know how well they did. Over time, that karma comes back to you.

This won’t fix all your problems, but it is a good start in the right direction. You will still have problems, but keep trying new things, and don’t forget to compliment to people what they are doing right.

 

 

Autism Awarness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. I have seen a few people who have posted to let others know about it, but very little has been seen or heard outside of the autism boards I participate in. I am not sure why this is. Autism Awareness month has been celebrated since 1970 something (don’t remember the exact year). Amazingly, one in eighty-eight is affected by autism.

As someone who lives with an autism spectrum disorder (not sure why they call it this – it isn’t a disorder), please take the time and try to connect to some of the events going on around your community to bring awareness of autism around you. Learn a little bit about what it is like, and some of the issues that many of us face. At the same time, you will learn and meet some wonderful people.

 

 

It Is the Small Things

When you sit back and think about life, it is the small things in life that mean more to us. Many people tell me that money will solve all their problems. To me, money can’t and won’t solve problems. Money gives you more choices, but that money comes at a cost. So I return to the small things that matter… A simple smile, a hug, a sniff of a good wine, enjoying good music with really good friends… as I said, it is the small things. They are also the ones most overlooked.

Savour the moment, and suck the marrow out of the instance. That short time at sunset holding hands, smelling the crisp spring air, gazing into her beautiful eyes… that will be what means most to you. Don’t forget the moment.