This post is motivated by not understanding what has gotten into some people and how they treat the people who they supposedly love. Sorry for being so blunt, but I can’t express the lack of understanding that occurs with some people when their relationship moves on.
Working with models, I hear a lot about their personal life, and how it impacts them from day to day. Several of the models who I work with have commented how their relationships have failed and are not reconcilable. In all the situations I am commenting about here today, they all have at least one child together. These are people who were in love with one another. I personally can’t understand how people can “fall” out of love. There are six people in my life that I have fallen in love, and to this day, I care very deeply about them all still to this day. Sometimes, it causes problems – but the good news is that with the exception of one, they all live across one ocean or the other. When you love someone, it is a permanent situation for me. Love never changes. I will go to my grave loving all of them.
Why am I writing this? I can’t grasp how anyone can be mean, vindictive, and in some of the cases, hit someone with malice that they love or have loved. It is something I can’t quite fathom or even comprehend. Worse, being abusive like this in front of your children. I know that feeling sometimes run fairly deep when love is concerned, but this kind of reaction is horrible and makes no sense. Why would you do anything close to this to someone you love? The answer that a few people have told me is that they no longer love one another. This leads to the second reason for writing this post.
When you work with people around you, do you see them for what they can do for you? For instance, in a work environment, do you make business contacts with just people who can help you get further in your work or that are good at resolving issues you may face? In a relationship situation, do you look at your relationships for the gifts you may be given, the sex you might get, or the promise that one of these are almost for certain? Think about it for a little bit. As I get older, I seem to be more sensitive to seeing people do just this. I hate to admit that I am guilty of this, too, in that when I am frequently after a specific artful image, and know someone will be able to create the image I want, I pull out the stops to get them in that image. But, beyond this, I don’t. Yet, I see it every day from other photographers, business relationships, and even some people’s personal relationships. I don’t understand how people can view life in these terms for everything they do – but they do. The more popular and charismatic a person is, the more they do exactly this with everyone in their life. Watch people, and you will see exactly what I mean.
Getting back to the first part about abusing their loves of their life, I have to wonder if there was something that they were getting from that significant other and then once removed or lost, they lose all control and get this way. If so, what they had wasn’t love but rather a mutual arrangement of getting something from someone else. Let me repeat – this isn’t love.
Take a long hard look at your own relationships with other people. Are you someone who is taking advantage of them or are you someone who is being taken advantage of? Knowing this will help you understand some of the dynamics of relationship you are in and how to deal with some of the ups and downs you face.