Previous Loves

To each of us, love is a different thing – it means and holds a different meaning. Some is the reflection from our parents. Some is our own experiences. Yet, it is an elusive beast that everyone searches and hopes they find. I have six loves in my life – three are permanently over because of the way we parted. One of the loves hasn’t a clue and I would like it to stay that way. The remaining two, I talk with all the time and provide support when I am able. As I said, I still love them all. Once in love, always in love. It never changes. I also love my daughter and her son, too, but they are out of the scope of this post.

While talking with one of the two that I talk, she commented that I am a really strange person. She had to point out that most people can only love one person at a time romantically. I can’t imagine only loving one person – that means falling in love and out of love with people. I can’t grasp what that is like. It was a revelation as to why marriages fail – obviously  people fall out of love or for someone else. It also explains the jealousy that people feel toward one another – something I don’t feel. The closest that I come to this is a loneliness – not feeling the presence of the other person – and I miss having that feeling when they aren’t around. But, it also makes life easier when I am around one of the two and they have their significant others. One of them was worried it would weird me out – but was amazed at my reaction (the reaction weirded her out instead). So far, I am a really good friends with her significant other. The other broke up and is looking for someone else. If I weren’t married, and closer to her, I would chase after her again and see where it goes. We both have wondered why we separated ways and did our own things. I really wonder how things would be different had we not, but both choose the course we took and both have lived with that decision. It is only later in life, as she is rediscovering who I am (and the intricacies) and I live with the feelings and emotions that have never changed for her. It is also more complicated, too. We both have children, and I insist that they always come first in her life. Mine always comes second in mine, although my wife would have you believe she comes in second instead of my daughter.

I think about those times with my previous loves, and I know that they will never be again. I remember the wonderful and loving times with each, and sometimes wish I could be back then and enjoying what I had. Those times have passed, but I still love and care for all of my previous loves. I hope that others may enjoy this permanence of love from their spouses and ex-girlfriends.


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